The truth

The truth of the matter is, the one thing that holds me back in life at this point in time, is a constant struggle with chemical addiction. It is an unfortunate struggle that I've been having to deal with since I was all but the age of eleven. The affliction doesn't get better, although at times it seems that it does, but the fact is, if it goes untreated, it gets progressively worse. Many people can say, "So, why don't you just stop using chemicals?" and that would seem the easy solution. And for the most part, I have quit using chemicals, at least in respect to the seemingly more damaging, as when I was in my mid teens I was something of a methamphetamine addict. It took me being locked up in a treatment and corrections facility for the better part of a year to get me off of that junk. I learned a lot in that program and it has helped me to get to where I am today. However, in a culture where chemical use is as prevalent as breathing air, it is hard to get away from.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not drinking alchohol all hours of the day or anything. In fact, recently I may not even drink more then three times a week and maybe only five beers or so at a time, but the thing about this affliction, is it's progressive, and I have the foresight to know that it has the potential to blow up in my face. It's like playing with black cats, the fire crackers, and taking apart the rows of them and lighting the singles off with the short wicks. You can usually throw them before they'll go off, but every once in a while, you'll get one where the wick burns really fast, and the damned thing will blow up in your hand. So, like that, it's only a matter of time before the drinking will blow up in my face. I guess that's why I'm writing about it today, in hopes of preventing that from happening.

It is the one thing that has stood in my way from being truely dedicated to my causes and has distracted me from fully fulfilling the rolls in my life in which I need to play. It's sad because the few friends that I do consort with these days in the physical realm, are each inflicted with this same burden, and yet non have seen fit to face it head on. I went through a total of probably ten treatments, A.A. meetings were mandatory as a teenager getting in trouble with the law and having a concerned parent. It's sad that no one else sees trouble with my drinking though, except for me, hell my step dad even works for a major domestic beer distributor, is an alcoholic in his own right, and is pretty high up in the rungs of the company. Yet it's socially tolerated to drink yourself stupid every night if you have the means, just don't smoke pot.. not that smoking marijuana is any better mind you, but atleast no one over doses on smoking a J or gets marijuana smoke poisoning, in an essence it's crazy how far propoganda and sociological dogma sales itself into the homes and minds of people who don't want to think for themselves. I'm starting to rant, so back on target here.

So, the truth is unless I can overcome (meaning quitting altogether) drinking, my modern chemical brother, I'll never realize my potential and I'll continue to dwell in this realm of existance for the rest of my life. There never will be a realization of my dreams and I'll be left struggling pay check to pay check like so many in the world do their entire lives. Not that strugglings a bad thing, but for the wrong reasons it is, needlessly. The truth is.. I may need some help.